Episode 21 – Meet Me at Threeve
Posted on January 7, 2016
Illum holds back a drunken Aati to keep him from attacking the dwarf that is insulting him. The young dwarven man challenges Aati to a duel in the arena in 3 days and Aati accepts. Then, he storms off. Brother Vashenn explains to Aati that he just accepted a duel to the death and that his challenger was Pabarel Darkstone, the son of a councilman. He says that Pabarel is definitely going to hire a powerful champion to fight for him. Vashenn recommends that Aati find himself a champion to fight for him or else his life will be in grave danger. Aati & Illum go back to E.L.Fudge and ask him to send out messages to the other monasteries, asking them to reply back if they are safe. He says that it will be about two days before he hears back. Aati & Illum don’t want to get distracted from their mission, so they decide that they can accomplish more if they split up.. They agree to meet up at “threeve”, which is apparently a time that is a little after dark. Aati heads to the library, which is inside of a giant tree, hoping to find out more about the Sons of the Scourge and to read up about split souls. He discovers that the symbol of the eye on Illum’s shield has apparently been seen in the ruins of Khelukkhaz. He looks up information about the different cities within the ruins: Fardahl, Jomor, Kinet, and Sivashis. As he is looking through the geography section, he notices a place called “Appenness” and chuckles to himself. He reads about the ruins around Khelukkhaz, which are referenced in the books about the ancient Sons of the Scourge. Ruins near Khelukkhaz: Fardahl is closest of the city of Khelukkhaz. Nobody know what these ruins were built for. Series of buildings with lots of defenses built into the side of the mountains. Scrolls said that Illum’s shield’s eye symbol was seen there. Jomor is In the valley between the mountains. Has a coliseum that is haunted by wraiths and revenants. Kinet is an Old temple dedicated to worship of a god of fate, built on top of mountain peak with lots of imagery of wings and stars. There is a draconic legend that a dragon god can be spoken to at a temple of Kinet. Sivashis is made up of Ancient Dwarven cave tunnels built inside the mountain face. Most entrances are closed or caved in. He decides to head back to the cult section to find out about the Sons of the Scourge. Then, he comes upon a familiar figure.
Episode 22 – His Name Must Be Boo
Posted on January 14, 2016
Illum goes to the arena and finds it very segregated between the poor elves and rich dwarves. He learns that the deathmatches are used to settle personal disputes, but they are also spectator sports that the people bet on. He sees a deathmatch between a half-orc with a greataxe fighting against a rogue. Illum rolls a 1 on perception and mistakenly thinks that everyone is cheering for the half-orc and that his name must be “Boo.” He speaks to another spectator and a bookie about the match. The spectator says that the half-orc represents Clan Rockfoot. The half-orc quickly decapitates his opponent. Then, there is a match between a half-elf sorcerer and halfling ranger. The sorcerer shoots out lightning and fries his opponent. Illum learns that most people have champions fight for them and recognizes that the fighters in the arena are way too powerful for Aati to take on by himself. He goes to a tavern in the arena, which is full of contenders somberly getting drunk. He asks the bartender about the half-elf sorcerer and the bartender says that the sorcerer is pretty new and came from the other continent across the sea. The bartender gives Illum directions to the training area where he can find more experienced champions and he heads there hoping to find someone who can help them escape certain death. Meanwhile, Aati approaches the familiar figure in the library to discover that it is his old friend, Lane, from the Tarnstead monastery. Lane says that he is also here looking for information. Lane tells him that his research told him that and that there was another cult that went by the name “Sons of the Scourge” many years ago and they had something called an “inquisitor,”, but it is unclear if that cult is the same one that attacked Tarnstead. He says that he looked for Tristan near Cacot, Tarnstead, and Elmoor, but hadn’t found any trace of him. He says that he is headed west toward the coast and is planning on meeting an enclave of wizards that live along the coast. He then puts an enchantment on the orb that Aati had taken from the devil that he had defeated earlier. He says that the enchantment would allow him to communicate to Aati from a distance. Aati casts Detect Good and Evil to make sure that the devil orb isn’t cursed out of fear that other devils could listen in on their communications, but as far as he can tell, it doesn’t seem to be evil and Lane seems confident that no one else would be able to hear. Lane heads off and leaves Aati in the library.
Episode 23 – Barely Legal Level 3 Paladins
Posted on January 21, 2016
Illum looks up the list of champions currently for hire and sees 4 names: Elhalin, Fanetan, L’shen, and Barrel. He hears that the half-elf sorcerer who he had just seen fight was Elhalin. He sees that another champion, Fanetan, apparently likes to hang out at a local tavern called The Big Green Apple, while Barrel listed himself as being available at a different tavern called the Queen’s Sword. A note next to L’shen’s name says that he has a fight the next day at midday and that he’s looking for work. Illum decides to head to the Big Green Apple to meet Fanetan. He arrives and sees that it is built into an enormous hollowed out tree and is full of poor looking elves drinking cheap beer. He meets Fanetan, an elf who says that he is fighting to buy himself a proper home since he lives in a tree. He says that he’ll charge $1700 gold (an absurd amount). Illum tries to offer him a special show from Long Dong Silver or some special gruel from Carl the Gruel Man. Fanetan sarcastically says that he would help them for free if Aati & Illum could somehow make fix the oppression in Elmoor and allow the elves to be treated as equals to the dwarves. Hearing about their plight, Illum becomes resolved to help fix the system even if Fanetan doesn’t fight for them. Meanwhile, Aati finds a book on extraplanar beings called “Demi-gods and Powerful Beings from Other Dimensions: What Do They Know? Do They Know Things? Let’s Find Out!” He reads it to find that extraplanar beings sometimes split themselves into different parts as a method of traveling between the planes, but they can only be reunited if their parts know that they are split souls, so it often fails or takes many lifetimes. Aati checks the book out in the hopes of reading it later and finding out more about the being that split to become him and his soul-brother. He attempts to buy the book, but the librarian says that he can only check it out and must return it in three days. Meanwhile, Illum is exiting the Big Green Apple when he hears a rustling in the bushes behind him.
Episode 24 – Head Cannon
Posted on January 28, 2016
It is getting close to Threeve, so Aati returns to the meeting spot and becomes concerned when he doesn’t see Illum there. At the same time, Illum looks behind him to investigate the rustling in the bushes when two armed elves in masks jump out and attack him. One of the elves has two short swords and the other has a bow. Frankie the DM agrees to let the players roll perception checks at the same time and they miraculously get identical numbers. Because of this, Frankie decides that Aati’s amulet begins to glow and causes him to sense that Illum is in danger. He begins running to aid his ally. Illum manages to attack the elf with the short swords and smashes his head in with his hammer. Some of the patrons of the bar come out to help. One of them takes out a dagger and another takes out a crossbow and they attempt to aid the assailants, thinking that Illum is the attacker. Illum tries to convince the bar patrons that he was the victim here and insists that “lawful good guys don’t jump out of the bushes wearing masks and brandishing weapons!” Naturally, when Aati approaches, he sees a shortcut through the bushes, but there are thorns in the bushes that cut at his face, so he takes out the makeshift mask that he had made back at the druid temple and puts it on to protect his face from the thorns. He then jumps out of the bushes, wearing his mask and brandishing his weapon, yelling for everyone to stop. The bar patrons with the dagger and the crossbow realize that Aati & Illum weren’t the attackers and stop fighting them. The crossbow guy inspects the body of the elf that Illum killed and says that he recognizes that man. The crossbow guy and dagger guy take them back into the bar, which is empty because everyone else fled out the back, and give them drinks. The dagger guy introduces himself and his name is coincidentally happens to be Dagur’Gai. Illum leaves money on the bar to pay for his drink as Dagur’Gai promises to find out the identity of the slain elf for them so they can figure out who would want to attack them and why. Aati tries to toss him a coin as a tip, but rolls a critical miss and accidentally spills coins all over the floor instead, then leaves awkwardly. The two then go back to sleep and Aati reads his book about extraplanar beings, but doesn’t learn much. He teaches Illum how to say “You’re my best friend” in the Infernal language and they go to sleep.
Episode 25 – Illumie Sanders 2016
Posted on February 4, 2016
In the morning, Aati does some more reading as Illum goes to a standard-maker to make him a banner and horse/donkey barding that says “The Champion of Tarnstead” with white writing on a crimson background. Meanwhile, Aati reads his book, going through the section on Dwarven gods, hoping to see information about the three-headed Dwarven statue that they fought in the dungeon beneath Tarnstead’s temple. He doesn’t find anything about that being, but he is able to rule out any of the known Dwarven deities as being the source of his soul. The two then meet up and talk to E.L.Fudge to see if the temple has spell components that they can use. E.L. Fudge points them to the quartermaster’s office. They head there and take some holy water, a compact silver mirror, and holy writs. Aati accidentally spills some holy water on his hand and it steams a bit. Illum does the same thing and nothing happens, but they both try not to think about it. The two then head back to the arena to see their potential champion. They settle in among the stands and Illum starts talking to one of the audience members. Aati asks if the fighters have the option to forfeit if things get too dangerous. The audience member says he has never heard of such a thing happening. The matches have always ended in the death of one of the participants. Then, the next competitors enter: two human rogues. One is L’shen the rogue and the other is a mysterious opponent from the western continent. L’shen seems to be stabbing the opponent repeatedly, but the opponent is unphased and quickly kills L’shen with a stab up through his chin. Then, the trainer comes out. Andy jokes about him being dressed as a rodeo clown and Frankie agrees to let him roll a dice to determine if he actually is. Andy successfully rolls the first “canon dice” and it is determined that the trainer is wearing a rainbow wig, big pants, and a red nose as he carries away L’shen’s corpse. Having lost one of their potential champions, they try to find out about the mysterious opponent that beat him. They head to the training area and encounter Elhalin, who tells them that he would fight for them for 500 gold. They ask if there’s anything he could do it in exchange for and he says that he is in love with Vanesha Darkstone, but can’t marry her because he is half-elf and of low status. He says that he would fight for them for free if they could find a way that he could get approval to marry her. He says that he got his powers from a dragon to the East and tells them to read the PHB (player’s handbook), but Aati thinks it is some kind of sexual innuendo. He says that he isn’t interested, while Illum is intrigued. On their way out, they walk past the arena’s tavern and are pulled over by the bartender, who tells them that the fighter who killed L’shen is a no name from the western continent who is trying to make a name for himself. Most of the new fighters sleep at the arena, so he tells them to return later if they want to meet this new fighter. They decide to return later and they leave, heading for the Queen’s Sword to try their luck convincing Barrel to help them. On their way, they find the air quality to be low, so they put their masks back on as they walk through the Elven slums. Then, Aati notices a small Elven child stealing his pack and begins chasing the child.
Episode 26 – The Lawful Good Hustle
Posted on February 11, 2016
Aati manages to catch the Elven child and holds him up by the collar while all of the local elves look on in fear. Joe uses his canon dice roll to successfully determine that the robber isn’t actually an Elven child, but in fact the high-pitched halfling who they had purchased their magic belts from. They decide that he is actually the cousin of Tayoris “Ted” Longperson and they call him Shah-pu Ki-pa Longperson. He claims to have no recollection of how he got there or what he was doing, believing that he was under some sort of enchantment. He asks what day it is and Illum responds that it is “Funday,” which is apparently a canonical day in this world. They manage to convince him to come along with them and they head to the Queen’s Sword tavern to meet Barrel. Barrel is a dwarf wearing the most finest and most elaborate armor in the bar. Aati tells him their story and he says that he is trying to become a smith for the Hammers of Moradin. He has been showing off his smithwork by wearing his own armor and competing in the arena, choosing to fight only on behalf of people who he believed to be good. Aati & Illum agree to speak to their order and see if they can get him initiated. Illum buys a round of beers and gets two for him, but Aati drinks his second one before Illum can give it to him. Then, they head back to the Big Green Apple and ask Dagur’gai about the elf who attacked Illum the night before. Dagur’gai said that he heard that the person was part of a known group of thieves who had been targeting non-elves. Illum insists that they must be bad because they’re wearing masks as he and Aati awkwardly remove their own masks. Afterward, they head to the arena where the competitors sleep. One of the gladiators says that he isn’t familiar with the man who killed L’shen, but that he’s probably all the way upstairs. They go upstairs and are blocked by a pair of guards. One refuses to talk to them, angering Illum. The other says that the council members’ private seats are up the stairs. The paladins give up on trying to pass and head back to the temple. Carl the Gruel Man is asleep, but left three bowls of gruel for them. Illum asks how to say “unhand him” in Infernal. Aati teaches him, but he accidentally pronounces it wrong and says the most offensive thing you can say in Infernal (“your mother is a good cook”). Then, he goes to sleep as Aati reads his book and looks through draconic deities. He doesn’t find anything about the source of his soul, but he sees that there is a draconic legend about a dragon deity that can be spoken to in Kinet. Then, Aati goes to sleep as well. Later on in the night, Illum is woken by the sound of broken glass. He looks around to discover that Shah-pu Ki-pa, Carl the Gruel Man, and Long Dong Silver are all suddenly missing.
Episode 27 – I’m Hung, They’re Hanged
Posted on February 18, 2016
Aati & Illum begin to investigate the temple to find their missing friends. As they investigate, they come upon two reanimated corpses with nooses around their necks, so they decide to put on their armor. Once they are suited up, Aati & Illum run up and fight the zombies. Aati tries grabbing the zombie by the noose and swinging it toward Illum for a combo move, but ends up nearly hitting illum with the zombie instead. They eventually manage to defeat the ghouls before hearing noises coming from upstairs. They move toward the sounds to investigate, but end up encountering two more noose zombies. The zombies manage to get their nooses around Aati & Illum’s necks. Aati tries to counter the noose and use it to break the zombie’s neck, but the rope wraps around his neck and he falls unconscious. Illum heals Aati and helps him cut the rope around his neck, causing that zombie to crumble to dust. Then, Illum is knocked unconscious by the remaining zombie’s rope wrapping around his neck. Being too weak to survive another attack, Aati uses his last spell slot for one big hit on the zombie and the episode ends on a cliffhanger, unclear whether or not Aati did enough damage to finish off the zombie or if it is going to defeat him in the next turn.
Episode 28 – The Rusty Front-Butt
Posted on February 25, 2016
Illum suddenly wakes up to the smell of fresh gruel and worries that he might be in Heaven (or Moradin’s version of Heaven). Then, he realizes that the events of the previous episode were all a really lame nightmare that only he remembers. Carl, Long Dong Silver, and Shah-pu Ki-pa are all present and unharmed. It is the last day before Aati’s death match and they decide to speak to Brother Vashenn about letting Barrel become a smith for the temple. Brother Vashenn is in the middle of a party and drunkenly points them downstairs to the forges. He says that it is up to the master smith to determine who gets in. They see the dwarves in the forges and question how often the dwarves accidentally burn their beards in the forges. There is apparently a sign that says it has been 72 days since the last beard burning. They speak to the Master Smith, whose name is Wil. Wil the Smith tells them that he only lets in dwarves from noble families. Illum convinces him to consider giving Barrel a shot if they can prove he is at least distantly related to one of the families. Then, on their way out, they see the oldest dwarf in the forge with the longest beard, who is crafting an incredibly ornate breastplate. The dwarf is weary to discuss how he became a smith, but he is interested to hear about Barrel and says that he could test Barrel and let him in on merit if Barrel’s work is good enough. The dwarf attempts to introduce himself, but Joe interrupts Frankie the DM and rolls canon dice to determine that the dwarf’s name is Uncle Phyll. Andy adds in that Uncle Phyll used to be a great warrior and tore up his opponents on the battlefield. He was known as “The Shredder”. Aati & Illum leave as they promise to go speak to Barrel and send him over to have his craftsmanship tested by Uncle Phyll.
Episode 29 – The Opposite of Michael Jackson
Posted on March 4, 2016
Aati & Illum head over to the Queen’s Sword to meet Barrel. On the way, they see a Dwarven nobleman with a cool hammer who trips over an Elven child and spit on the child. Aati runs over to help the child, but the child is scared of him and runs away. They go to the bar and meet Barrel, telling him to take examples of his work to the temple and meet Uncle Phyll for an audition to become Phyll’s apprentice. Barrel is ecstatic to hear the news and offers to be their champion, but Aati & Illum have a change of heart, deciding that they wouldn’t feel right sending someone else to risk his life for them. Barrel is blown away that they helped him without expecting anything in return and offers to give Aati some custom armor for the fight. Aati graciously accepts as he buys them both a round of ale. Aati drinks one or two while Illum gets completely hammered. Then, they leave and the drunk Illum attempts to lead Aati to the shop to pick up the banner that he ordered for them. On their way, they get lost and happen upon the Dwarven nobleman from earlier, except he is being mugged in an alley by an Elven woman who is wearing a mask like the ones worn by the Elves who had previously attacked Illum. Aati decides to intervene, because, even though the the Dwarf is horrible, he can’t stand by and let him be robbed or killed. The Elven thief holds a knife to the Dwarf’s throat and tries to remind him Aati about the injustices that Elves face in this city. Aati argues that two wrongs don’t make a right and this isn’t the way to go about making things better. While the thief is distracted by a drunken Illum, the Dwarf kicks out at her and they begin to fight. Aati uses his command ability and a persuasion roll to try to get the dwarf to run, but both fail as he continues fighting and calling for his guards. The elf drops one of her daggers and Aati gets between her and the dagger. She manages to persuade him that she won’t hurt him if he uses the dagger. Aati interprets this as her saying that she won’t hurt any of them and lets her take the dagger back as the fight resumes. Finally, the dwarf’s bodyguards show up. Because one of the miniatures is leaning over really far, they begin to joke that it looks like Michael Jackson in the Smooth Criminal video. Andy rolls canon dice to make it so that the bodyguard is a fantasy Dwarf version of Michael Jackson. He rolls a critical failure and they decide that means that the bodyguard is the opposite of Michael Jackson, which is apparently OJ Simpson. The bodyguard rides in on a white bronco and throws down bloody gauntlet as the fight seems ready to begin in earnest.
Episode 30 – Don’t Look a Gift Horse in its Ass
Posted on January 21, 2017
Our friend, Matt, joins us as a guest for this episode. Aati continues trying to avoid a fight at all costs while Illum fights the bodyguards (O’Jae and Not O’Jae). The dwarven noble gets frustrated and attacks Aati, who uses his command ability to make the Dwarven noble drop his fancy hammer. The Elven thief kicks the hammer behind her and he attempts to run. As he runs, the elf attacks him from behind and knocks him down. Aati tries to shove her and tell her to leave, but rolls a critical miss and falls face first into her cleavage and gets a bloody nose from embarrassment like a lame anime character. He manages to roll a high enough charisma roll to avoid getting slapped in the face as she realizes that it was a mistake. Then, he tries to help Illum with the bodyguards as the elf throws devices on the ground. When O’Jae rushes past Aati, he steps on one of the devices and it turns out to be a rudimentary landmine. It explodes, knocking him back on top of Aati. Meanwhile, the dwarven noble tries to run past his guards. Illum knocks him down, but he manages to escape. At the same time, Aati tries to fight the guards, but keeps missing. Joe complains about his low dice rolls, so Andy uses an app to generate a dice roll for him and, of course, rolls a 1. Aati’s critical miss causes him to drop his shield and accidentally kick it 15 feet away. Then, Illum knocks out the bodyguard that isn’t O’Jae. O’Jae attempts to crawl to his bronco, but Illum knocks him out. Aati then smacks the bronco on the rear so that it runs off. He hears a voice that says, “That was a free horse, dumbass!” Andy rolls canon dice to make it so the horse was actually the one talking. With a middling roll, Frankie the DM determines that they aren’t certain exactly who said that phrase or where it came from, but Aati definitely believes that the horse could talk. With the fight concluded, the Elven thief begins disabling the traps that she had thrown down. Aati tries to convince her not to take the nobleman’s hammer, but he is too tired to argue with her, so she takes it. She says that the hammer will be used for good and that it means more to the city than they realize. She is about to leave, but Illum insists that Aati deserves more information since he tried so hard to keep her safe while diffusing the situation. She says that she can’t talk there, so they begin to follow her to somewhere more private to find out more about her motives.
See the next 10 episode summaries: https://dndbags.com/episode-summaries/s1-episode-summaries/s1-ep-31-34-end/